I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
