So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i now understand why vodka
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
