Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
