there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
