Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
