It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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