pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
