Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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