I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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