I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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