I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Blood and glitter go together right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
