I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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