if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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