im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need water and some morals
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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