Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
