i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
