remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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