my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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