well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
