sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
