You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
