Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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