I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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