cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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