Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
