just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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