my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
