goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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