imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
