IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
