We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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