Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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