Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
this hospital has no fireball
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
