My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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