John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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