The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
