I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
