I seem to have left my pride at pride
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
