I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
