Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
