dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
