EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
