I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
