she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
