Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
