you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
