Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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