i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You are a genius and a whore.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
