We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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