You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
