New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
