I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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