I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
