You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Someone signed my nipple.
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