I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize