i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
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Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case