Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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