As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure