I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.