dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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