How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
