dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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