i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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