I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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