There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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