Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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