I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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