I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think my moral compass just broke
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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