Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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