Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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