I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
