Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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