who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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