went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
