hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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