life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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